If You Can't Beat 'Em...

You know the old adage...the one that currently sums up my life.

Here's the deal. I live with 3 men. I fully realize that 2 of them are not fully grown as of yet, but they are men, nonetheless. I have tried, tried, TRIED, to get my point across and have them be decent, clean, respectable men, but let's face it. I'm failing miserably. I've deducted that it just can't be done. It's something in their DNA that causes them to be the way they are. Can't be my fault because God knows I've tried until I'm blue in the face.

So, as of today, I've decided to end the constant nagging and make a few simple changes in my life.

It will no longer be necessary to flush any toilet in this house. What's the point anyway? We'll just let the aroma brew up for a few days and see how amazing our house smells. Besides, it's "all natural." And just think of all the water we'll be saving.

Speaking of which, we might as well just talk about all of our bodily functions on a daily basis. No place will be off limits, especially the dinner table. We'll talk freely about everything that comes out of our bodies, and then just for fun, we'll practice some of the "gassier" things while sitting in the car with the windows rolled up and locked. Ah, at last, family togetherness will be so much more meaningful.

Then we'll all help Benj with his ABC's by each belching the entire alphabet in one quick breath. I can't think of a more appropriate way to teach preschool skills in a way that each family member will understand. Maybe we could make a video and put in on youtube, just for an added creative bonus. Everyone will be so jealous of us.

And stock in Kleenex will most certainly go down, as we will no longer be needing any sort of tissues. That's what God gave us fingers for.

We'll eat fried chicken EVERYDAY until our arteries harden or we break a limb from slipping on the multi-layers of grease on the floor. There will no longer be a need for vegetables. We'll just take multi-vitamins, if we happen to remember and if they magically appear in the cabinet.

And, finally, just think of all the free time we'll have because we will no longer have to clean ANYTHING EVER for any reason. It'll give us a lot more time for Wii playing, LEGO building, and, of course, Razorback football watching.

It's gonna be such a great life :)