News Flash, people. I'm an adult.
A real grown-up who is able to do or not do and say or not say whatever I want. Growing up, it seemed I would never get to this point, and now all of the sudden, I've been there for more than 16 years. And somewhere along the way God has entrusted me with two children, and now somehow I'm responsible for their lives as well. How scary is that?
While I like being an independent, decision-making, responsible person, there are so many things that kids get by with simply because they are kids and we as adults let them. So, I've decided to reinstate some of those acceptable kid behaviors and start living my life with a bit more simplicity.
For starters I'm gonna start showing people exactly how I feel the very moment I feel it. That's right. I'm reviving the good, old-fashioned, full blown screaming, kickin', arm flailing, rolling in the floor hissy fit. Yep, that's what I'm going to do. If you happen to witness one of my new temper tantrums, just step over me and ignore it. It'll pass within a couple of minutes, or maybe longer, depending of the severity of the alleged trauma.
What a freeing feeling it will be. I'll be so much less stressed, and everyone will know exactly where they stand with me. It'll take all the guess-work out of being my friend. If you happen to irritate or disagree with me, you'll know immediately. I'll throw my little fit, and I'll feel better. We all do it inside anyway, so why not just get it all out in the open and see how much better we feel?
I've toyed with the idea of including slaps, kicks, and occasional "you're not my friend anymore" statements, but those might be for the more advanced users. I'll save those until I perfect my tantrums.
Good gosh this is gonna be a ton of fun. Who's with me?
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
You Win, Michelle Duggar
I once heard Michelle Duggar say that having too many children is like having too many flowers...you can just never have too many. With all do respect, Michelle, I beg to differ.
While I'm a HUGE fan of using colorful analogies in everyday conversation, I think she's way off base of this one. Last time I checked, flowers don't have to be birthed, bathed, fed, educated, nurtured, occasionally tricked, disciplined, guided, chaperoned, entertained, interrogated, OR bribed to go to the Razorback game instead of going trick-or-treating on Halloween night. It's all just a wee bit different in my mind.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd rather have my two amazing babies than a field full of fragrant wildflowers any day, but COME ON. Seriously.
Let's face it, if I had 18 kids and I was pregnant again, I certainly wouldn't be bouncing around and comparing my minor dependants to flowering plants and the like. My house would be a disaster area, my home-schooled kids would be fairly uneducated, and I would be continuously strung out on anti-depressants, coffee, and whatever else I could buy on the black market or trick the old man across the street into giving me.
God didn't make me to have a Partridge Family, A Brady Bunch, or even a Cosby Show for that matter. I just don't have an overabundance of patience or more importantly, a plethora of stylish maternity clothes to make that all happen.
And Anna Duggar...good lord, girl. We need to talk. We could so be great friends. And honey, I don't care what they tell you, but you CAN use birth control. You CAN and you SHOULD. We can get you a prescription for some amazing birth control pills, and we'll hide them in my garage or something. Hell, I'll even buy them for you if you need me to.
I'm not trying to be super sneaky or anything...well...okay maybe I am, but you are entitled to change your mind about this baby thing. No pressure...just an offer.
BTW, if you girls need me to make a cameo performance on your TLC television show, I'm free between the hours of 8:30-2:00 on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays. How much fun would that be? We can have a jam session afterwards and all sing together with all the violins and the piano. I would LOVE to. So, get ready. I know a lot of songs, girls. This is gonna be so much fun :)
While I'm a HUGE fan of using colorful analogies in everyday conversation, I think she's way off base of this one. Last time I checked, flowers don't have to be birthed, bathed, fed, educated, nurtured, occasionally tricked, disciplined, guided, chaperoned, entertained, interrogated, OR bribed to go to the Razorback game instead of going trick-or-treating on Halloween night. It's all just a wee bit different in my mind.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd rather have my two amazing babies than a field full of fragrant wildflowers any day, but COME ON. Seriously.
Let's face it, if I had 18 kids and I was pregnant again, I certainly wouldn't be bouncing around and comparing my minor dependants to flowering plants and the like. My house would be a disaster area, my home-schooled kids would be fairly uneducated, and I would be continuously strung out on anti-depressants, coffee, and whatever else I could buy on the black market or trick the old man across the street into giving me.
God didn't make me to have a Partridge Family, A Brady Bunch, or even a Cosby Show for that matter. I just don't have an overabundance of patience or more importantly, a plethora of stylish maternity clothes to make that all happen.
And Anna Duggar...good lord, girl. We need to talk. We could so be great friends. And honey, I don't care what they tell you, but you CAN use birth control. You CAN and you SHOULD. We can get you a prescription for some amazing birth control pills, and we'll hide them in my garage or something. Hell, I'll even buy them for you if you need me to.
I'm not trying to be super sneaky or anything...well...okay maybe I am, but you are entitled to change your mind about this baby thing. No pressure...just an offer.
BTW, if you girls need me to make a cameo performance on your TLC television show, I'm free between the hours of 8:30-2:00 on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays. How much fun would that be? We can have a jam session afterwards and all sing together with all the violins and the piano. I would LOVE to. So, get ready. I know a lot of songs, girls. This is gonna be so much fun :)
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