Seinfeld, anyone?

Usually my life is pretty ordinary, and I try fairly hard to make it funny...until this past weekend.

After we opened presents on Christmas morning, we headed over to Kirk and Amanda's for a leisurely day of Wii playing and eating. Amanda fixed a "real" Christmas meal...you know, the kind grown-ups make. It was delicious. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, but when you don't have family nearby, your friends really do become your family. They are ours, and we love them.

We loaded up on Friday and made a quick trip to Searcy for Christmas with my family. I always joke that when we all get together (18 in total) it's the equivalent of me X 1,000 (super scary, right?) It's SO loud. Sometimes I seriously leave there with a sore throat because I have to scream for anyone to hear me. My poor mother.

Sunday was a crazy day. I sang at both services at church and then headed north to Bella Vista to sing at a wedding. The bride, Candice, is the little sister of my lifelong friend, Julie. I've known Candice since she was a toddler. (Wow, that makes me sound WAY old.)

It was really just family, plus a few other guests. Most everyone there was either in the wedding party or had some sort of job. I was no exception; not only was I singing, but I was also running the sound system. I must say that it was the first time I've ever pressed play, grabbed a mic, adjusted the mic volume, changed the CD volume, and sang ALL at the same time. WHEW! BTW, that glass chapel has amazing acoustics. I'll sing there again any day.

Perhaps the funniest part of the entire event was the fact that they were already married. The person that married them couldn't come to the ceremony on Sunday, so he married them on Saturday. They got a stand-in for Sunday, an actor if you will.

He was actually a friend of Julie's, who did an amazing job. I was just about ready to start confessing my sins to him before I realized that he was just an attorney. He wore a nice suit, spoke with a soft voice, and carried around this official looking black folder. SO funny. He turned out to be the city attorney of Elm Springs, so instead of seeking spiritual counseling, Ken unloaded all of his city complaints with this unsuspecting guy before he knew what hit him. I couldn't help but laugh. It was all so much like a Seinfeld episode.

Ken lucked out of the groomsmen/usher/greeter/door opener job and settled to be the videographer. He was more than thrilled. :)

Candice looked beautiful, and her husband seems like a great guy.



The boys and me...

My sweet husband who didn't complain once that I was dragging to a wedding of someone he really didn't know. What a guy.

After the wedding, we headed to the reception at Julie's house in East Fayetteville. While we were there, Julie gave both Levi and Benjamin blue jay Webkinz for Christmas. Levi named his blue jay "Peckers." I've never seen Ken laugh so hard.

Oh yes, and on the way home, Levi threw-up on the side of the road.

And the saga continues...

I need a Silent Night

Amy Grant stole my idea...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRSSsNbF29I

Anyway, that's exactly how I feel. Good job, Amy.

What a crazy weekend. Benjamin had his Christmas Play with his preschool on Friday night. As always with Mr. Benj, I was worried that he would even wear the clothes and the special hat they had made for everyone. It's the unknown that is hard for him, so we've been talking about it for weeks...about how we were going to get dressed in our special clothes, go on stage with everyone, and sing our songs.

Doesn't he look handsome?


He did super. I was so proud of him. Every time we have a victory like this, I'm reminded of how far we've come in a year and a half of HARD work. He's worth every bit of it, and I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat if I had to.

The Cub Scout party was at our house on Saturday afternoon. We had 32 people in here, so it was a bit crowded, but overall went really well. Levi still loves Cub Scouts.

Yesterday was the Christmas pageant at church. Levi sang a song with his friend Gretchen that seriously made me cry for 45 minutes straight. I don't think I've ever been so proud of him. For two 8-year-olds, those kids can downright SING!


My grandfather, whom we called Daddy Bill, used to lead music at his little Methodist church (the one without the indoor bathroom I've talked about before.) I couldn't help but think how proud he would have been of Levi last night. He loved to sing. He sang, whistled, or hummed all the time, kinda like I do. He died when I was in the 6th grade, but I could feel his presence with me last night. I still miss him.

Tonight is the Tyson Christmas party at my house. Am I the party hosting fool this year or what? Tonight we should have 30+ people, and I must admit even Ken is freaking out a bit. It's so funny watching him make a grocery list and plan for something like this. He's doing a good job.

This afternoon is Benjamin's wellness check-up and to make sure he still needs speech therapy. Well, he obviously does, but we have to go anyway. We've been talking about that for at least two weeks, so I think it will go smoothly.

This is likely my last post before Christmas, so MERRY CHRISTMAS to you!

Ah, Christmas Memories

I've been saying for years now that instead of shopping nonstop for weeks, pulling an all night gift wrapping session, and stressing out until I make myself vomit, that I would really, REALLY, like to take a trip...a mini vacation, if you will. I don't care where I go, and I really don't care who goes with me. If you want to go, come on...let's go.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas. I really do. I love to stay up late on Christmas Eve, and I absolutely love to see the kids' faces as they wake up the next morning. It really is one of my favorite parts of being a parent. It takes me back to 1981...

So, bam. I'm 6. We lived in a REALLY small, 2-bedroom house (OK, single-wide trailer) and there were 6 of us total. It was cozy, as we all say now in our era of HGTV. I shared a twin bunk bed with my little brother. For Ken's sake, let me stop here and reinforce that I was SIX, not 21. This story grosses him out beyond belief.

Anyway (stay with me, Ken) it's Christmas Eve. I would be so anxious for Santa to come that I'd kick Dustin out of bed numerous times throughout the night to go "check" to see if Santa had come yet. He'd come back every time and sleepily say, "Heather, he hasn't come yet." Great, I'd think to myself. This is gonna take a while.

I would, of course, and to Dustin's relief, eventually go to sleep only to wake up the next morning to a Christmas wonderland. I'm still not sure how my mom did it. We obviously didn't have a lot of money but she somehow transformed our field-cut evergreen from a barren pile of cedar sticks into a colorful, present filled oasis with a magical glowing presence. I would just stand there, awe struck for a few minutes, and soak it all in. How in the world did Santa manage to get all of these beautifully wrapped boxes under our tree without me hearing anything? After all, we didn't even have a chimney.

Those truly are some of my favorite childhood memories. And not a Christmas Eve goes by that I don't call my brother on Christmas Eve and ask him to "check" on Santa. I'm sure he hates it now that he's 29, but he's not getting rid of me any time soon. Ah, Christmas memories.

But now that I'm older it's not near as much fun. We buy for A LOT of people...cousins, brothers, sisters, moms, dads, aunts, uncles...good gosh it's just exhausting. I love them all, but we are ALL hard pressed to know what to buy. So, for me, when I ask someone to email me direct links to specific things their kids want, or when Ken makes me a bullet pointed list of all the pros and cons of the latest and greatest GPS systems, it just takes something away from the overall Christmas experience.

So, let's take a trip I say. Come and go with me. Or better yet, let's just give all the money that we would have spent on the trip on the 9 foster kids that I've been shopping for the last couple of weeks. That's what I really want to do. REALLY. I mean, I would have adopted one of these kids already if Ken would let me. Her name is Heather...she's 13, loves the movie "Bring It On" and wants a hair straightener as one of her gifts. Is this child the spawn of me or what? Her name is HEATHER, for crying out loud.

But for now, I'll keep shopping, I'll press on with the gift wrapping, and I'll try to control my need to be sick. I won't take a trip this year, as I would obviously be going alone at this point. But if anyone changes their mind for next year, you know where to find me :)

What about the chicken sandwich?

Ah, the infamous chicken sandwich. Wait, let me be more specific...the TYSON chicken sandwich. It's been overlooked in recent years, but it's gaining huge popularity in our house. It's easy to fix, it tastes great, and it's reasonably priced at the Tyson Employee Store. And after a day like today, it made a phenomenal supper.

Today was the 50th Wedding Anniversary party I've been planning the past few weeks. There was lots to do, but I think it turned out to be a smashing success, if I do say so myself. When you put blanket invitations in the newspaper and throughout the entire church, it's hard to know exactly how many people to plan for. And even though we ran out of punch, plates, and just about ran out of cake, it was overall a great and hopefully memorable day for my friends. Besides, Jeanette promises to help at my 50th wedding anniversary party. She'll be a mere 108 years old in 2047.

Apparently the thought of 50 years married to the same person is hard for a lot of people (not just me, I guess) to grasp. I learned today that some of my friends have been married 3 and even 4 times. One of them even accused me of being a "vengeful wife" if scorned. Wow. Can't say that didn't hurt. I hate it when someone I've only known a few weeks has such a good grasp of my bitchy side and has the guts to say it to my face. But I learned a long time ago that if I'm gonna dish it out, I gotta be able to take it in as well. So, touché; you get a point for that one.

So, a martini and a chicken sandwich later, and I'm done.

Oh yes, and on Tuesday night I'm be attending an "appreciation dinner" at Noodles with all the Tyson folk. A night out with a group of accountants isn't exactly at the top of my list, but at least I won't have to cook, or talk much for that matter. At the last function I went to, I tried to make small talk with the guy sitting next to me. Hmmm, I thought. Everyone watches TV, right? WRONG. Apparently this guy only watches National Geographic and Animal Planet. Great. What about Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives...House Hunters...Washington County Drug Court....ANYTHING? Needless to say, I didn't have much else to say to him the rest of the night. It's not like I can make idol chit chat about whole numbers or the periodic table. I mean, come on, work with me here :)

11 years and counting...

As I write this, I've been married for exactly 11 years, 4 months, 20 days, 4 hours, and a handful of minutes (but who's counting, right honey?)

Enter my friend, Jeanette, and her husband Paul.

This week I've been recruited to help their children plan their 50th wedding anniversary reception. That's right, 50...the one after 49 and before 51. The big 5-0. The only parties I've ever planned were my own kids' birthday parties and maybe a couple of other scattered events, so I obviously have no clue what I'm doing.

I mean, I did attend my own grandparents' 50th anniversary when I was like 6. Of course, what I remember the most was the disgusting fact that their church didn't have an indoor bathroom. My mom was pregnant with my little sister, it was sweltering hot in the middle of August, and there wasn't a flushing toilet. Good gosh. It's a good thing blogging didn't exist back in 1981 because that one afternoon alone would have given me years of bitching material.

Anyway, oh yes, back to the reception.

I first met Jeanette about 4 years ago during a praise team practice at church, and I've been singing with her ever since. Her husband Paul is probably one of the rowdiest people I've ever come across...ever. He tells inappropriate jokes, which I usually don't understand at all. I suppose that either means I'm too mature or simply too naive to understand his humor. Unfortunately for me, it probably means the latter. And I learned a long time ago NEVER again to ask him, "What's Up?" He'll seriously tell you.

Jeanette is right the opposite. She is soft-spoken, mild-mannered, and her shoes and purse always match. She has great skin, and her fingernails are always painted to match her matching shoes and purse. I seriously want to be like her when I grow up, but something tells me I'll be more like Paul instead.

They are the cutest couple, and I'm glad to help, but all week long I've been trying to wrap my little brain around the concept of 50 years. That's 17 years longer than I've even been alive. They make it look easy.

So, (raising my glass) here's to disagreements about why the mayonnaise DOESN'T have to go in the exact same spot in the refrigerator every time you use it, and discussions about why yes, we DO have to wash washcloths more than once a week. Ken, if my math is right, we only have 39 years, 6 months, 10 days, 20 hours and a few minutes left until our golden anniversary, and I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend it with (but if I was FORCED to choose, it would be a toss-up between Brad Pitt, McSteamy, or that new painter guy on Desperate Housewives.)

Just kidding, honey :) See you in 2047.

Counting my Blessings

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this blog are the sole responsibility of the writer and are 100% accurate. While this writer doesn't write or express her feelings in this manner often, she has always believed and thanked God for these things every day of her life. Writings such as these don't happen often, so as her friend Ginny would say, "sit down, shut-up and listen."

I read a blog by an old friend I went to middle school with that writes about how amazing her life is. While some of the things she writes make me want to vomit in my mouth, other things she writes really do inspire me. They make me realize how little I tell people how appreciative I am of them and how blessed I truly am. So here goes, in no particular order, my top ten list of blessings.

1) I am thankful that I live in a country where I am free to do as I please. No one tells me who to vote for, who to worship, or what my opinions are. I dig that about America.

2) I am thankful for my amazing husband who loves me even when I'm witchy. And even though I complain incessantly about all those long hours he works, I am thankful I get to stay at home with my growing babies.

3) I am thankful I don't have to cry every month when our mortgage and other bills are due, like I painfully remember my mom doing when I was growing up. Financial literacy and stability is something I never have and never will take for granted.

4) I am thankful that I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not. What you see is what you get with me. So what if I say "oil" or "twice" different from the way everyone else says it. I could enunciate my words to appear more proper and less-hickish, but quite frankly my way is WAY MORE fun.

5) I am thankful that God sent Jesus to die on the cross for ME, even though I screw up all the time and don't come close to deserving it. While I readily admit that I don't pray every, single day, I haven't read my Bible cover to cover, and (while I'm at it) I don't have a lot of biblical knowledge, I still rest peacefully knowing that I am a child of God.

6) I am thankful for our church family, those we met 9 years ago and those we more recently found in 2004. They love me even when I'm unlovable, even when I open my big mouth and say things I shouldn't, and even when I use sarcasm when it's not all that appropriate. They mean more to me that I could ever express.

7) I am thankful for the amazing progress Benjamin has made over the last 18 months. I am thankful for his therapists, whom he loves and talks about all the time, and for the time and encouragement they give both of us. I am glad my little guy has rejoined the world and can now tell us how he feels and more importantly what he needs. It truly is one of my greatest joys that at one time I thought I might never see.

8) I am thankful for our friends. When you don't have family close-by, your friends really do become your family. We would be awfully lonely if it weren't for them.

9) I am thankful that I have 3 siblings that call me to scream, cry, and harass me all in one phone call. They each represent the longest relationships I'll ever have, and I'm glad to have them by my side.

10) I am so thankful that we are healthy and can live in a place where we get to breathe clean air and feel safe driving with our windows down.

And now for my bonus...my selfish blessings that make my life a little easier: Cable TV, TiVo, my cell phone, my car, microwave ovens, tampons, and oh yes, who could forget the Internet.

So there it is...my list. This is as contemplative as I can possible get in one blog, so "seriousness over," as Ginny would say. I don't say, or even think, these things near as often as I should.

The Great Walnut Brigade

We feel so blessed to live in a place where we have an abundance of beautiful, massive, old trees. It was really what drew us to this land in the first place. Every fall, the walnut trees drop literally thousands of walnuts in our valley. So, this year, Levi has decided to collect these little suckers and sell them at the feed store in Elm Springs.

I decided to let Levi go at this on his own. It was his business, and he got to make all the decisions. I thought it would be interesting to see how he went about it.

Deciding to maximize his income potential, he decided to ask two of our neighbors if he could pick up their walnuts as well. They happily agreed, as walnuts don't usually agree with mowers. Next he picked his employees. Benjamin agreed to help and I signed on as well. At first he offered me a dime a day, but I negotiated my rate up to $1.00 for every day I pick up. He also gave our neighbors, ages 5 and 3, jobs as well. Now, as long as the child labor officials don't hunt him down and prosecute, he was ready to get to work.

After a few hours, hurting legs, and stained hands, we were done for the day. I kept my complaining to a minimum (shocking, I know) and was content with the fact that I was helping him reach his goal. It was a great way to enjoy the beautiful weather, spend some time together, and let Levi become an entrepreneur in his own right.

Speaking of such, just last week I caught him charging Benjamin a quarter to wash his John Deere Pedal Tractor. He's learning young. There's nothing like conning your little brother and making a quick buck in your own driveway all at the same time. Watch out world. He's 18 in ten short years.